so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
