He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
