you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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