Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
