Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
