im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
