Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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