another moral hangover. fuck.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
