He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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