your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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