Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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