He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
