Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
