he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
