Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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