i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
