Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize