You can't motorboat a personality
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
