I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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