if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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