I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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