I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
