Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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