I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
