On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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