apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize