fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
