yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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