so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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