Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
