The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I understand Curling. That high.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
