just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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