umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
