Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
