i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
