Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
