Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
