I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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