Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
tell me about the eggs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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