I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
