I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
