I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
