so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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