I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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