I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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