It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize