I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
