I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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