Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
