That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
