Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
