I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
grandma shit on top of the toilet
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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