I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
