i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
