i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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