Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
