I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
