Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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