the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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