is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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