nutella sex= disaster
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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