i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
