I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
