she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
