I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize