Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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