Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
