I can tuck mytits in my pants
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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