Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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