community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
