he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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