You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
